My continued frustration with trying to adjust back to civilian life was tested again today. The rain and horrible weather only added to my frustrations. So I decided to stay home from work and sleep away my frustrations. While this worked for a small period of time, I still could not escape my frustrations and feelings of lack of purpose. So I mustered up enough motivation to get out of the house and go to the gym. While this boosted the energy levels in my body somewhat, it was still a quick fix. So I then took the kids on a run which helped out immensely in the beginning until my son did something that, once again, frustrated me. I feel like a time bomb ready to go off and my patience for those particular situations now just multiply exponentially. While I continued to walk it off, I felt the insides brewing.
Once we got home, I sent my son off into the house to get ready for his graduation ceremony from the 5th grade while I took on the challenge again of practicing basketball with my daughter. The practice session started as rocky as the morning session. I found myself getting frustrated to the point of no return. As I continued to push forward, she started to pick up on the drills and all the things we have previously covered. This kept on for another hour and we both walked away from the session with a feeling of accomplishment.
All in all, I know I have been in this situation before. With patience and a will to drive on, I know I can once again conquer the low state of affairs I am in. It is difficult though being in a job that offers no fulfillment whatsoever. Feeling chained to my desk with no way out is a horrible feeling to have, especially after having experienced one of the better military experiences of my career. But just like I told my kids, the train doesn’t stop for nobody. So no feeling sorry for myself and think that the situation is going to change for me. I control what can be changed in my life. Either I can live with the cards that have been dealt or I can control my own destiny and happiness.